Yesterday we discussed how saying certain things through an electronic medium could in fact land you in some hot water criminally and civilly speaking. For today’s lesson, boys and girls, we are going to explore some case studies of certain things you can say or type which can also lead to trouble. Not the criminal type per se, but the restraining order (wait that is criminal) or just not getting laid type, which sucks too.

When we are on a mission to smash, we often say and do many things that in our rational mind we wouldn’t ever even consider, but hey… hormones, horniness and boredom don’t ever go along with a rational mind. However, we here at Alumnah are all about helping you be safe and get laid,  so today we are digging into the stash and pulling up some real world case studies of actual things said and or typed that  you MUST BEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER say to a person with whom you are trying to have intimate dealings .

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Hip Hop is why I leave very nondescript voicemails, if I leave any at all.  Thanks to Havoc and every other rap album skit messages I leave to men I have romantic liaisons with are limited to “Hi it’s me, call me when you can” No seductive insinuations, no breathy “Baby I been thinking of you” or “Wowzers Rey, last night you so totally blew my mind. Amanda is a lucky girl” because, you know… I’m not trying to end up on a skit. Or on YouTube.  Or indicted in a court of law.
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It was supposed to be epic. The director was already a legend. A visionary credited with transforming  how people watch music, a visual savant. The cast was littered with emerging and established members of the hip hop glitterati. There was a story- full of drugs, sex, guns and redemption. It was supposed to define a generation. Instead…. it was just Belly.

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As many of your aware, the United States celebrates the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr today. For many this means parades that end in shoot outs. For others, a day off. For politicians, an opportunity to pander to voters espousing their civil rights voting records and political correctness. For a small few, it’s an opportunity reflect and plan on leadership and history.

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FYI: If you aren’t old enough to vote, you may not be ready for this info yet. Consider this your disclaimer.

It’s Friday. If you are like many hot blooded Homo sapiens (no pause necessary, look it up), you’re thinking of fucking someone tonight. Maybe scrolling through the mental rolodex, trying to figure out who’s most likely to give it up. Or if you do that monogamous committed thing, you are doing whatever monogamous committed people do, which probably includes a smaller mental rolodex.  Regardless, you are probably in the mood to get in touch with your animalistic nature… hoping for a bit of this or perhaps a bit of this.  Before you get down to kicking your weekend of doing this, you might want to peep this latest study done by Nanyang Technological University in Singapore that reveals a certain level of tricking is biologically ingrained in the nature of our monkey relatives.

Nah, you don’t have little monkey pimps going out and copping berry necklaces or anything lame like that, this study revealed that male monkeys groom female monkeys in order to, you guessed, knock monkey boots.  

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Last week as the all-important Iowa caucus was looming, I was watching Good Morning America as I was getting ready for the paying j-o.  The news was non-stop election coverage, non-stop voter inquiries and the camera happened upon a group of Iowans (or whatever they’re called) being interviewed as to their caucus choices.  All raised valid points and concerns…and then this silly white broad starts talking. She had good concerns about health care– great for making it available for old folks and kids– but what about those fresh out of college kids. Good question, then she was asked who she was voting for. “Barack all the way!” She excitedly proclaimed. “Why?” asked the ever inquisitive reporter “I like the idea of a minority president,” says she.

SMH.

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Or Barack? Or perhaps even Rudy Giuliani? If, during  one of the many campaign stops in the next few months, they were shot and blown up as Pakistani Prime Minister candidate Benazir Bhutto was a week ago , would you shed a tear? Care even the slightest? Or would you take a moment, nod at the television, murmur, “damn” then flip channels and think about who should replace Hov at Def Jam or which Hollywood actress was pulled over with a DUI this week?  My guess is on the latter.

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