Hip Hop is why I leave very nondescript voicemails, if I leave any at all.  Thanks to Havoc and every other rap album skit messages I leave to men I have romantic liaisons with are limited to “Hi it’s me, call me when you can” No seductive insinuations, no breathy “Baby I been thinking of you” or “Wowzers Rey, last night you so totally blew my mind. Amanda is a lucky girl” because, you know… I’m not trying to end up on a skit. Or on YouTube.  Or indicted in a court of law.
I do, however, dabble a bit in what could only be referred to as oft descript text messages. Some of which say things more detailed than “call me”

However, thanks to Hip Hop, or rather the first Hip Hop Mayor, Brother Kwame Kilpatrick in D-town, methinks I need to curb my texting content considerably. See, in the back of my mind if was always aware that text messages were just as, if not more incriminating than voicemail.  Thanks to Law & Order episodes, I also learned at some point that all text messages are archived by the phone company and the FBI reads them. (Hey… they might). However, it wasn’t until the recent details  of Mayor Kilpatrick’s messages with his Chief of Staff (which in Detroit is apparently a very literal description of duties) that it hit me that I needed to be easy with the oft indecent messages I receive  and those I responds innocently too.  In reading the transcripts of some of Kwame & Christine’s text messages, you get a pretty clear picture that these were in fact two adults engaging in a love affair. I purposefully say love affair, not in any effort to be positive or kind to the situation, but because, let’s be real- if they were just fucking, the messages would not include statements such as like:

CB: This is one of those little things I had to tell you. Last night when I was laying on your shoulder in the car and you held my face and sang whatever song it was, that felt so good. It was just one of those little moments when you just made me fall some more.

KK: I’ve been dreaming all day about having you all to myself for 3 days…relaxing, laughing, talking, sleeping and making love.

Again, these types of messages are indicative of grownups, engaging in grownup activities. Okay, so both parties were married, but quite honestly, isn’t that up to their spouses to contend with, not the general public?

Obviously I speak in jest when I say I’ll blame Hip Hop if Ty Biggums (who I call Errol) and my personal messages ever become public. I’ll blame Jay z. I kid I kid… but seriously folks… who amongst us hasn’t felt the thrill of a new relationship, whether it be love or lust, and wanted to express it? We speak it, sing it, and type it. I’ve certainly received far more salacious messages than “Do you miss me, sexually?” (and fuck you, I plead the 5th on what I may or may not have sent), and I’d bet each of your reading this have as well. Unfortunately for Mayor Kilpatrick, the majority does not actually subscribe to the idiom “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”, and his career will forever be tainted by this unfortunate scenario. For the rest of us, at least let this be a lesson: don’t text personal messages, especially those of a sexual variety, on your company pager.  If you are going to do dirt- cop a prepaid joint and do your dirt on the low.

Or, you know… blame Hip Hop.