No Booty For You!
Jan 31, 2008 Author: green eyes | Filed under: Captain-Save-a-Ho is off duty, Debauchery, E-Sexin on the Job, Pay Attention Boys & Girls, Pillow Talk
Yesterday we discussed how saying certain things through an electronic medium could in fact land you in some hot water criminally and civilly speaking. For today’s lesson, boys and girls, we are going to explore some case studies of certain things you can say or type which can also lead to trouble. Not the criminal type per se, but the restraining order (wait that is criminal) or just not getting laid type, which sucks too.
When we are on a mission to smash, we often say and do many things that in our rational mind we wouldn’t ever even consider, but hey… hormones, horniness and boredom don’t ever go along with a rational mind. However, we here at Alumnah are all about helping you be safe and get laid, so today we are digging into the stash and pulling up some real world case studies of actual things said and or typed that you MUST BEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER say to a person with whom you are trying to have intimate dealings .
Let us begin:
CASE STUDY: Introductions.
Example #1:
Boy: “pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst”
Why this is bad: You may want pussy, but calling us like a kitten isn’t going to do the trick.
Example #2:
Boy: “What’s your name?”
Girl: “Greenie.”
Boy: “Word, I’m Hoodlum, see” *indicates tattoo saying “hoodlum” down the inside of arm*
Why this is bad: Motherfucker you are introducing yourself as HOODLUM, GTFOH call your P.O., and stop bothering me!
CASE STUDY: Getting to know you
Example:
Girl: “Tell me about yourself, got a favorite food?”
Boy: “Pussy”
Why this is bad: While the fact that you enjoy cunnilingus is valuable information, please be slightly more strategic about how you choose to share it. Telling us in such a blatant way is actually a turn off.
CASE STUDY- Ayo Technology
Example #1: Email
“You real lucky I got a girl right now”
Why this is bad: To begin with, stepping to someone whilst in a relationship is not a good look, but you’re right she is indeed so lucky you are in a relationship because she doesn’t actually have to deal with your bullshit.
Example #2
“I would like to spend some time with you. Would you like to have dinner with me my lady? If you like, afterwards, we can go to the beach to talk and search for the moon. Maybe we could take a swim together or something. I hope that I am not being too presumptuous. I should warn you that I am a hopeless romantic, lol… If you venture too deep into my heart you will fall in love; but only if you believe your heart beats as one with mine. I wonder what it would be like being at the beach with you. Are you ticklish my lady? Oh, I also found the lyrics to this song. I am not a good singer by any means, but if I could I would sing this song for you. If we ever are on the beach, ask me why.
(A Whole New World - Aladdin)
I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride
A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I’m way up here
It’s crystal clear
That now I’m in a whole new world with you
Now I’m in a whole new world with you”
Why this is bad: Where to begin. If you aren’t entirely sure why this is bad to send, please read it again. It combines astronomy, old English slang and Disney lyrics. NOT SEXY. If you ever even think of typing something like this, stop or accept a life of virginity, lonesome nights and restraining orders- because you will come across as psychotic.
So folks… please don’t let these sad utterances ever cross your lips or dare spring forth from your finger tips as they dance across the keyboard in efforts to type a love note. Be smart while horny, it’ll get you laid more often and get you better quality booty in the long run. Keep condoms handy, wrap it up and share your case studies on how not to get laid below.
46 Responses for "No Booty For You!"
WOW hold on a second. Green eyes is a girl?! I had no idea.
And yes. SAFE SEX!
astute and concise. moreover, spot fucking on. subtle game is the only way to go. but not too subtle; the recipient must sense a willingness of course. oh the fools that do not understand the ways of the glorious woman….! not that i have it figured out, but i certainly seem to be doing something right!
nice drop greens. oh and new drop at my place if you are interested.
-ian
Hold up..hold up….exactly what the fuck is wrong with ‘old English slang’???
I’ll have ye beknown, you bedazzling strumpet, I shall macketh thee until thine finger hath a ring thrust upon it. Basically give up the goods, my lady.
Fuckin cussin out ‘old English slang’ Greenie, who’d have thought??!!
Props on this little number. At the moment my girl is breaking my balls so viciously I think their going the same way as my foreskin. Seirously.
Why the fuck are women such irrational, crazy ass wenches? I stay perplexed by women, just when you think you got ‘em figured out they get all loopy on your ass. That’s why we love ‘em I suppose.
*gives Greenie hug and celly number in light of the fact that his girl seems to have developed a nice case of bi-polar*
thoreauly - “subtle game” - imo, from a womanly POV, I’d rather men came at me with no game at all. Please, men, just be yourselves. I know that you itch your balls, take massive shits, and drool over porn. There is no need to try to suck up to me in hopes that I’ll forget this and get temporarily gassed up over your compliments. Because you know what? At the end of the day I want a guy who doesn’t need to alter his speech to talk to me. I want to be talked to as an equal, just as you’d talk to one of your boys. Yes, profanity and derogatory statements included. Is that so much to ask?
Hell the fuck no Amanda you rusty old sea dog you. Fuck I took a crackin dump just a minute ago, crimped a length that was about at least a solid 2 foot long, I mean seriously, I was laying cable for at least half an hour wrestling with that collosus of a turd, it scared the shit outta me….literally. Shit, I’m glad we can talk about poo and stuff cos I really like to talk to you on the same level as my mates.
For the record, your English accent would bother me more than the poo-talk.
And the fact you said ‘mates’. It makes me think of discovery channel-esque reproduction rituals.
That’s just me though. I think those accents are like the only ones that bother me. Sorry lol.
But I give you that - I am kinda rusty. My joints need some WD-40 or some shit. I feel old.
First Off– EngRep, you’re my dude, but I’m already fighting Meka Soul and Mark Twain Fame in a Triple Threat Match for Amanda. Don’t make things escalate into a Hell in the Cell Fatal Fourway (nooone). B’yeah, women are crazy. Sometimes it’s just cuz they don’t like you and want you to do the dirty work, but other times it’s cuz they do like you and wanna see if you’re in it for the long haul, or if you’re just in it to be in it, ya know? *dappage* You’ll be okay, homey.
@ Greenita– I like the current series on “Macking it”. But, um, is it bad that the Disney lyrics and junk is something I would do if I liked a girl enough? Nevermind, don’t answer that. I know it is. I think my Emo is rubbing off (none?) on you, and just in time for Valentine’s Day!
@ The Mighty Thor– Lookin’ forward to checking the shizzle on your site. Girls are bonkers, but they’re worth it, so if you’ve decoded some of the bonkerosity, propsss!
@ Amanda– I have no game whatsoever now that disney lyrics and uber-mush is apparently a bad idea. *winks, adjusts tie* Oh, and I work in profanity the way Bob Ross worked in happy little trees, so if it’s cussin’ you want, I’m the motherfucker who your ass should be about. *big cheesy grin*
Alright, it’s fo’ a.m. Bedtime for the 631 dweller.
ADIOS!
Well I thought you wanted to be talked to like a dude so I did it and then you give me the ‘I don;t like English accents chat”……what gives?
*kicks bucket over*
*storms out room*
I see you Rey Rey, hope you’re feeling chipper bosshog. I’m not vying for Amanda’s attention chiefy, I have more than enough women dramas in my life! I’ll get at you bruh, stay up.
completely 2000% co sign Amanda saying we do not want the bullshit game.
Eng- english slang is fine coming from a Brit. If you are not British and have never been to the UK.. dont do it. As for why we are crazy.. well.. we ALL arent. Some wenches certainly are. My usual advice is “stop fucking with the crazies. mental disease is a serious illness and can be passed down to your children. RUN!”
Rey- perhaps I should have given context, but never recite via email a Disney song before you have even had a first date. And know your target audience…. Disney may work on one or two, but if shes listening to more M.O.P. than NKOTB, skip the Disney.
Thanks Thor!
What it is greenie? Fuck it, I lurk anyway so decided hey..let me fart on ya page for once.
These dudes don’t know how to be themselves {no shots, straight piff} women have the steering wheel and they follow suit. If we have a convo with them and say “I like thugs” then guess what?…all of a sudden tupac appears….if we say we like nice, respectful boys…guess what? Southern hospitality is in the building. They’ll become whatever they need to be to get the ass. If they REALLY like you, they’ll drop a lil here and there about their true selves, but only a little at a time. The thing us women have to realize is that dudes have feelings too {maybe more} some of us chicks {even their parents depending on the mindset} put tremendous pressure on males, which make it hard for them to express themselves. Sure I would like to hear from a dude “I just wanna fuck, that’s all” hell, it saves me time and I’ll see where he head is at, it’s just up to me if I allow it to happen or not. Yes, the truth hurts, but sometimes the truth is best {at times} why get all souped up thinking you found the one when in actuality he just wanted to get tea- bagged? Why make fun of a dude or think he’s crazy if he says some straight “andre 3000” type shit? Some express themselves different but “at the end of the day” they all speak the same language, we {women} just gotta break the divinci code
Good shit Greenie
lmao.. thanks for coming through spoony. i agree.. women who just stand around waiting for a man to do all the work are idiots, we gotta do our part to make shit happen. and its definitely a code that needs to be cracked. however, i remain firm in this: that code should NEVER include disney lyrics.
lmao @ someone singing Aladdin to Greenie last night
___________
lmao.. thanks for coming through spoony. i agree.. women who just stand around waiting for a man to do all the work are idiots
…. co -motherfucking sign, theres this one girl I was trying to hook up with a couple weeks ago, she works as a waitress and doesn’t get off till mad late, well anyway she will come over and hang out get high and bullshit, she flirts a bit and shit but she always goes to sit in the comfy ass recliner chair in my crib ( which sits 1 person ) so shes just sitting there I guess waiting for me to just straight up jump on her, but I don’t just Jump on bitches I’m not THAT aggressive, and I would think if she wanted it she would just move to one of the 2 comfy ass couches I got, well I haven’t hung out with her in a while and I bumped into her friend who was on some ” you pussy why aren’t you making a move, she says she keeps going over waiting for you to make a move but you don’t ? ”
leaving me to ask ” O really so then why does she go to the chair to sit by her damn self everytime, how am I supposed to make a move from across the room ? ”
of course the Friends responds ” yeah thats how she is, you need to do ALL the work. you got to just jump on the chair with her ”
and this of course makes me want nothing to do with this girl now, if she wants it but is on some you have to do this and that to get it, then get the fuck out of here your only cheating yourself and imagine the headaches that would start coming after I got it
What it is greenie? Fuck it, I lurk anyway so decided hey..let me fart on ya page for once.
These dudes don’t know how to be themselves {no shots, straight piff} women have the steering wheel and they follow suit. If we have a convo with them and say “I like thugs” then guess what?…all of a sudden tupac appears….if we say we like nice, respectful boys…guess what? Southern hospitality is in the building. They’ll become whatever they need to be to get the ass.
Dave Chappelle said it best, ” a woman’s quest in life is material and man’s quest in life is a Woman, If we could fuck a woman in a cardboard box we would, but because woman like nice things men have to get nice things ”
I think I butchered the end a bit but you get the point, but co-sign like a motherfucker guys are the biggest yes men on the planet when they are around some pussy they want, myself included sometimes, it’s weird sometimes you can think clearly enough not to act that dumb but sometimes your so blinded by the possibility ( cause thats all it take is the possibility of pussy)
that you can’t think or act clearly
what up ty.
yessir… in order for anything to work.. mofos need to meet you half way. now im not saying women need to give it up easy, but damn, knock down afew walls and stop acting like you’re a fucking princess in a tower and he needs to slay a dragon and unlock your chastity belt. fuck that. ladies– if you are playin those games- stop it– grow up and jump in!
some of us chicks {even their parents depending on the mindset} put tremendous pressure on males, which make it hard for them to express themselves.
^^^
Real. Fuckin’. Talk.
what up ty.
yessir… in order for anything to work.. mofos need to meet you half way. now im not saying women need to give it up easy, but damn, knock down afew walls and stop acting like you’re a fucking princess in a tower and he needs to slay a dragon and unlock your chastity belt. fuck that. ladies– if you are playin those games- stop it– grow up and jump in!
….. thats what I’m saying, it’s like when ever we are out somewhere she hangs all over me, she tells everyone she likes me but when we get alone she keeps her distance and acts like I’m supposed to chase her, I’m 27 years old I don’t chase pussy around like THAT anymore, but all she would need to do is sit on the same couch as me and it would be a wrap i’d take care of the rest from there but no she wants to play hard to get so she won’t get got …..
lmao @ phuque’s latest name
ty.. next time force her to make a move.. you can put a ton of shit on the chair so she cant sit on it (if she moves it and still sits there, fuck it, cut that lame heffa loose), or sit there yourself which will force her to either A- sit on your lap (you win!) or B- take the couch, in which case you go and move over there after a minute or two.
ty.. next time force her to make a move.. you can put a ton of shit on the chair so she cant sit on it (if she moves it and still sits there, fuck it, cut that lame heffa loose), or sit there yourself which will force her to either A- sit on your lap (you win!) or B- take the couch, in which case you go and move over there after a minute or two.
…….yeah I was think bout trying something along those lines but again I’m 27 ( now she is only 22 so shes still got a lot of learning to do and is used to be chased everywhere by everyone ) but the bigger problem to me is you can’t start giving in and acting out of character so early cause once you start reaching she knows shes got you and I’m just trying to get some pussy not play no games, and I can probably work my way around this but if shes this difficult now i don’t think I want it ……
22? damn.. craddle robbing and shit… yeah you need to school ol girl to woman up.
22? damn.. craddle robbing and shit… yeah you need to school ol girl to woman up.
…. lmao, shit it’s only 5 years and normally I try not to fuck with the young girls but I’ve known her for a while and shes a cool girl fun to hang out with but obviously she needs wake up and grow up a bit, problem is I don’t see it happening cause while I might not give in she will no doubt have no problem finding others who will….
what up ty.
yessir… in order for anything to work.. mofos need to meet you half way. now im not saying women need to give it up easy, but damn, knock down afew walls and stop acting like you’re a fucking princess in a tower and he needs to slay a dragon and unlock your chastity belt. fuck that. ladies– if you are playin those games- stop it– grow up and jump in!
….. thats what I’m saying, it’s like when ever we are out somewhere she hangs all over me, she tells everyone she likes me but when we get alone she keeps her distance and acts like I’m supposed to chase her, I’m 27 years old I don’t chase pussy around like THAT anymore, but all she would need to do is sit on the same couch as me and it would be a wrap i’d take care of the rest from there but no she wants to play hard to get so she won’t get got …..
^^ I guess some chicks do that to not make it look as if she’s a hoe {that is what SHE thinks you are thinking if she does that} I agree women should step up for what they want, but some are going to be stuck for the rest of their lives{in the same spot/boyfriend/etc}
what up ty.
yessir… in order for anything to work.. mofos need to meet you half way. now im not saying women need to give it up easy, but damn, knock down afew walls and stop acting like you’re a fucking princess in a tower and he needs to slay a dragon and unlock your chastity belt. fuck that. ladies– if you are playin those games- stop it– grow up and jump in!
….. thats what I’m saying, it’s like when ever we are out somewhere she hangs all over me, she tells everyone she likes me but when we get alone she keeps her distance and acts like I’m supposed to chase her, I’m 27 years old I don’t chase pussy around like THAT anymore, but all she would need to do is sit on the same couch as me and it would be a wrap i’d take care of the rest from there but no she wants to play hard to get so she won’t get got …..
^^ yeah..some chicks got codes as well..or maybe she is playing hard to get…either or..you should force her to make a move or bluntly put it out there “hey what you tryna do” in those circumstances she’ll either loosen up or leave{lol}
I think I butchered the end a bit but you get the point, but co-sign like a motherfucker guys are the biggest yes men on the planet when they are around some pussy they want, myself included sometimes, it’s weird sometimes you can think clearly enough not to act that dumb but sometimes your so blinded by the possibility ( cause thats all it take is the possibility of pussy)
that you can’t think or act clearly
^^ don’t get it twisted, chicks are the same way..we’ll act like we watch sports{if you watch it} and memorize lyrics to a artist you like..it just all boils down to a happy medium….both sides need to put the guns down and see what happens, if it works out..cool..if not..try again..the more and more you go through it the more confident you will be..we all have levels…some of us are just to scared to play the game
sorry for the triple posts..I was on nahright..lmao
lol. all good
^^ I guess some chicks do that to not make it look as if she’s a hoe {that is what SHE thinks you are thinking if she does that} I agree women should step up for what they want, but some are going to be stuck for the rest of their lives{in the same spot/boyfriend/etc}
…… thats exactly what the problem is too, cause honestly I didn’t know her when she was in high school but a lot of my friends did, and let’s just say she wasn’t playing hard to get back then ( that shit don’t bother me though, cause I figured out a while ago all most all chicks go through what could be called a ” slut ” phase, and i don’t play that double standard bullshit, as long as the girl isn’t announcing to the world what a slut she is, superhead carmen etc etc…. ) but anyway so she had hooked up with a couple people i know, but again this was all YEARS ago, well anyway she always as much as possible tries to explain herself to me always trying to make excuses or trying to downplay it, if someone brings up there name she will immediately try to explain herself when there is no need or question be asked of her, I realize shes just trying to convince me shes not a slut but that I think that bothers me more than if she was just like hey i’m a slut so what let’s do this.
but either way now you people got me thinking about her again just as I was ready to give up on it so Im a have to go back to the drawing board this weekend
…… thats exactly what the problem is too, cause honestly I didn’t know her when she was in high school but a lot of my friends did, and let’s just say she wasn’t playing hard to get back then ( that shit don’t bother me though, cause I figured out a while ago all most all chicks go through what could be called a ” slut ” phase, and i don’t play that double standard bullshit, as long as the girl isn’t announcing to the world what a slut she is, superhead carmen etc etc…. ) but anyway so she had hooked up with a couple people i know, but again this was all YEARS ago, well anyway she always as much as possible tries to explain herself to me always trying to make excuses or trying to downplay it, if someone brings up there name she will immediately try to explain herself when there is no need or question be asked of her, I realize shes just trying to convince me shes not a slut but that I think that bothers me more than if she was just like hey i’m a slut so what let’s do this.
but either way now you people got me thinking about her again just as I was ready to give up on it so Im a have to go back to the drawing board this weekend
^^ so basically tell her that you don’t give a fuck about all that and to put her damn gun down…everybody ain’t shooting….of course there’s always a way to see if it’s really over her past or not….bring her around dudes that you BOTH know {if ya dig what i’m saying} if she keeps it cool then she’s good…if she tries to hype shit cause she thinks you’ll “step in the name of love” for her on them niggas then drop her..she’s still stuck in her slut phase and is just looking for a simp to save her
amanda- men being themselves should most definitely be subtle game. flirtation, listening, cursing, not altering one’s voice when speaking (who the hell does that? you mean like guys try on their barry white voice?). personally i think every human being has game built into their genetic code, call it pheromones if you will, but it’s those that don’t know how to use it properly that fuck it up, men and women alike.
i mean shit, i have literally had women just walk up and grab my dick or ass when i am out and i can tell you one thing for sure, they should have brought their subtle game.
i mean shit, i have literally had women just walk up and grab my dick or ass when i am out and i can tell you one thing for sure, they should have brought their subtle game.
^^ I’m speechless..lmao
.bring her around dudes that you BOTH know {if ya dig what i’m saying} if she keeps it cool then she’s good…if she tries to hype shit cause she thinks you’ll “step in the name of love” for her on them niggas then drop her..she’s still stuck in her slut phase and is just looking for a simp to save her
^ TABERNACLE!!!
greenie I got nothing to add to this, just wanted to say. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeenie.
coooooooooold.
thank you
@ spoony’smistress - word no doubt like I said you 2 have inspired me to get this done, now so I’m a take your advice and put it in play this weekend and see what happens
lmao @ cold
ty.. no doubt, but on the real.. if shes still not putting in effort, fuck it,. you can do and deserve better.
good shit, greens! I might add that I dont run game, I just act like myself, that usually works. I am cooler than a cucumber, no conciet!
why thank you fux!
lol..great post green
thanks LL
Frikin Fun-Ny
How this pick up line:
Aye!
Lemme bite ur butt
What u think? Should I wait till I know her name?
LMAO @ Beli
actually thats a good one.. DO IT!
LMAOOOOO
Classic post, my lady
*wink* knew youd approve
Whatchu know about that?