Aside from most rappers that is. While your favorite rapper is busying starting clothing lines, hocking beverages of either alcoholic, vitamin or energy variety, buying sports teams all sorts of other mofos like Michael Eric Dyson, Bill Cosby, Souljah Boy and other assorted white people are trying to be rappers.  

In the case of Souljah Boy and many white people under the age of 28, the infatuation is obvious. For the majority of their lives, rap dominated damn near every facet of popular culture. These folks went from idolizing Big Bird to Ice Cube on the course if a few years. Or for the younger generations, from Barney to Nelly. Obviously, the youth lost early, but their infatuation with rap is understandable. Fuck a fireman—those fools die!! Be a rapper when you grow up- you might die, but you’ll die with a video ho’s titty in your hand and rented diamonds around your neck!

Rap Music Hater of the Millennium Awardee (He straight up stole that title from C. Delores Tucker.) Bill Cosby is entering the rap arena, planning in releasing a “non profane” disc entitled State of Emergency. Methinks it will be a more rhythmic, perhaps even venturing in iambic pentameter, telling of his usually speeches addressing the ills of the Black Community and how rappers are to blame for everything. In fact, a few track listings have been leaked:

  1. Rappers Are to Blame for Everything
  2. I Kant Zpell Wizout da Letter Z (Blame Rappers)
  3. Women Are Many Things Besides Hoes and Tricks ft C. Delores Tucker
  4. Hoes Are for Gardening Not Addressing a Lady ft. Dionne Warwick
  5. Don’t Grow Up To Be a Baby Daddy
  6. P.U.D.D.I.N.G (Get the Jello. Creamy creamy ya’ll)

Michael Eric Dyson, prolific writer and commentator on all things Hip Hop has long had a borderline unhealthy obsession with rap music, or more specifically, with rappers. From profiling rappers in his tomes to Hip Hop, to speaking on panels at Universities, US Congress and the Quizno’s Counter, Mr. Dyson adds another part to the classic saying “those who can’t do, teach”: “those who can’t do but really really really wish they could, write about it,” so it really no big shock that he’s coming out with an album, even if hes using Bill as an excuse to release what we all know hes been working on for years.  My money is frankly on Bill’s album being the most entertaining; Mike’s track listings aren’t terribly promising:

  1. I Heart Rappers
  2. Rappers (I want to be one)
  3. What Hip Hop Means to Me (Everything) ft. Michael Eric Dyson channeling the spirits of Tupac Shakur & The Notorious B.I.G.

There’s no gender bias in the world of dreaming to be a rapper. The ladies are getting in on the fun as well, as the good folks at VH1 who previously brought us the family friendly viewing of Flavor of Love 1-69, I Love New York 1-STD, Crackas Who Wanna Rap aka The White Rapper Show and other assorted brain cell killing voyeuristic pleasures, now brings us Ego Trip’s Miss Rap Supreme. Hosted by YoYo and MC Serch, the show features 10 lady rapstresses in waiting and Khia vying for $100K. That’s right.. Miss My-Neck-My-Back-Lick-My-Ass-Crack-LORD is a contestant aiming to be a rapper. I had been under the impression she already was on, albeit a bad one that shamed my home state, but a rapper nontheless. I’m assuming that her entry on this show is the universes way of rectifying a wrong and allowing us the opportunity to banish her from rap forever.