Friday is fuck night, Wednesday is Hump day, Monday sucks, Thursday is almost Friday and Saturday & Sunday are weekends. In honor of the least significant day of the week, here’s some news on the freaky front to get you through tax day.

Length matters. Calm down.. its length of time. That other length is a conversation for another day.  Sex therapists have determined that optimal length of time for intercourse is 3-13 minutes.  Apparently the average duration is 7.3 minutes, none f this counting foreplay. Now, I’m all for a quickie.. but three minutes.. is a bit too quick.Granted, I don’t recall bringing a stop watch to bed with me, and only once was so bored that watching the Simpson’s over my shoulder was more interesting that the other action I was supposed to be engaged in (so sorry jimmy), but 3-13 minutes still sounds… paltry. What do you all think?

Sex contracts. Have you ever woken up the next morning regretting your actions? Worse yet, have you ever woken up the next morning with your night before regretting it so much they called 911? Australian lawmaker s are looking to prevent rappers and all citizens from getting Tupac’ed by mandating that men get women to sign sex contracts stating the  act will be consensual. Ah.. nothing like Australian foreplay. “Hi, you’re hot.” “Thanks for noticing.” “Want to fuck?” “Sure, why not, its almost closing time and I didn’t wear this push up bra for my own sake.” “Great, sign this please saying you wont try to have me arrested later.” “Sure, no problem, my place or yours?”

Not enough sex? You’re girl is too happy. This study shows that depressed women have a third more sex their their healthy counterparts. Now, I’m not calling depressed women slutty- they just want to be loved- nor am I saying if you aren’t getting enough, make your girl sad- then you’d be a real asshole; I;m just sharing information.

Sexual cannibalism- and not the good cunnilingus kind. As you may know, there are several species of insects that engage on sexual cannibalism; after, or sometimes during mating, the female of the species devours the head if the male, and not in the good Karine Steffans way. Generally this has meant death for the poor males, however a certain species of preying mantis, who thanks to a second brain in this abdomen and the mantis version of doggystyle, manage to have sex for 8 hours (Waaaay more than 3-13 minutes thank you very much) even after having their heads chewed off. Its actually kinda disturbing. I’m personally not into this particular type if sexual cannibalism; I  imagine if i eat my mates he probably wont hold me afterwards, and sometimes I like to be held. I’m sensitive like that.

There have you have, random sex news to brighten your tax Tuesday. Go out and get you some tonight, use a condom, make it last linger than 3-13 minutes, make sure you have consent and don’t to kill your partner.  Happy humping!