Happy sexy Tuesday. Here’s hoping you all had a great safe sex filled weekend, maybe you and your boo got a hotel, spent the weekend freaking, left the poor traumatized maid a nice tip because you forgot to use the “do not disturb sign.” Maybe you didn’t get laid over the weekend, but got some Monday nookie. Maybe you didn’t get shit. Regardless of booty getting quotient, alumnah.com loves you. I scoured the internet, seedy parts and all to find the latest sex news from around the world.  Learn something. Use a condom.

Self Loving is Good loving. Ladies and gents, there are scientific reasons for you to start spending (more) quality time with yourselves.  This Australian study indicates that men who masturbate regularly have a lower risk of getting prostate cancer.  Apparently, your solo ejaculate gets rid of more carcinogens that have been stored in your body than traditional sex does.  Ladies, don’t fret, we aren’t left out. In what may or may not be news, single women tend to have more orgasms. Sexually active single women get off 56% of the time, partnered up heffas only 24%. Granted, your magic bullet may not hold you after, but you’ll probably get off so well, you wont care.

Florida is anti-ball. There’s this trend down here to attach dangly metal nutsacks to the back of trucks. I see hem pretty regularly, find them moderately amusing. I’m not offended by them, but them I don’t really have anything against nutsacks. However one FL senator apparently does. Maybe Carey baker has penis envy, maybe hes neither a grower nor a shower and is just anti-ball, because hes trying to ban dangling nutsacks in the state. Personally, I’m of the opinion that there are far far far more important things for the legislators of my state to pay attention to. Let the nuts breathe Carey.

Sexy patch. ladies, are you feeling a bit unsexy these days? There’s a new patch on the market that’s supposed to help make you feel sexier. I guess it was expected seeing as there is a stop smoking and birth control patch. Next up Viagra in a patch (word to Fuxie).  I say skip the patch, cop you some fishnets and fly ass stilettos, take the day off play with your magic bullets and your man and you’ll be feeling plenty sexy.

I enjoy penis, so hearing of them being damaged or hurt makes me sad. However, reading this headline about penis theft gave me a very culturally insensitive giggle: Lynching in Congo as penis theft panic hit capital. Penis theft? Oh my. Very bad.

As always, I wish you a long healthy sex life so wrap it up before you stab it up (word to Fuxie).