It may come as quite a shock to some of you, but rappers tend to get into trouble with the law almost as much as young white Hollywood starlets. Unlike those silly starlets, however, there seems to be a massive conspiracy put forth by the powers that be, The Man, Dr. Yacub, Lyor Cohen, Hillary Clinton, Barrack Obama, Oprah, Bill Cosby, Yahweh, The Bilderburg Convention, Dick Cheney, Laura Bush, Fidel Castro, Tony Blair and Yemeya, to hold your favorite rappers back from their true potential. Or, so says Remy Ma.

In her latest Kay Slay interview  “Live from Rikers,”  Ms. Ma claims her innocence and hints at the vast rapper conspiracy. Remy is not the first rapper to go to jail, nor is she the first to claim to be a victim of the conspiracy to leave a rapper behind. Lil Kimberly Jones also made similar claims before, during and after her stint in the penitentiary a few years back.  I fail to recollect clearly if that other rapstress currently under siege by said conspiracy, Fox Boogie, has also made such claims, but I am sure one of you recall and will tell me so in the comments.
So whats this conspiracy mean? Could there really be a nefarious movement afoot dedicated to the destruction of rappers? What could possibly be the reasoning behind such an abominable plot? Why are these completely innocent, pillars of society, vehicles for good and divine change being so unfairly accused of, then convicted then sentenced for their alleged criminal activity? Other than, you  know, them being dumbasses who actually committed all the crimes they were convicted for. According to Remy, their were no black brown or tan people on her jury, this it wasn’t a jury of her peers. Apparently Remy is of the opinion that her Black, Brown and tan peers would have been more sympathetic to her shooting her own Brown peer in the stomach and kt her off on GP and to not leave any rappers behind.

Perhaps shes right. maybe Kim was wrongfully convicted. Maybe Oprah and Bill Cosby force DMX to drive erratically, do massive amounts of crack and other odd things in some odd hazing ritual to join their club. Maybe Busta Rhymes is also trying to join that club; and his first act was the cut off his locks and then spaz out.  Maybe Foxy’s hearing loss is because Lyor Chohen, in partnership with Laura Bush made her deaf, told her that everyone was in fact deaf, and the only way to get peoples attention was to throw blackberries at them (hey-its how we communicate around the alumnah office, but were violent assholes so….) Maybe Saigon’s bitch tripped and fell, and her face landed on his fist. Maybe it wasn’t Prodigy, Diddy’s, Jada’s, Fab’s, Shyne’s or T.I.’s gun. Matter of fact, I don’t believe there was ever a gun.. it was just a notebook full of lyrics that were going to expose truth, uplift people and heal the world.

But The Bilderburg’s and Yahweh couldn’t have the world be changed, therefore, rappers, aka the Chosen Ones, have to suffer for our sins. Kinda like Jesus.

I’m going to keep the fires lit on this one, no tome shall go unread- I’m launching the biggest investigative story in alumnah’s storied history to get to the bottom if this conspiracy against rappers. Because surely, personal responsibility and not being dumbasses who break the law have nothing, zip, zero to do with their plights.

Dr. Yacub– you and Dick Cheney are going down. (ayo).