Dear Earl:
It’s Dark and Hell is Hot. You know what else is hot and dark and rather hellish? Jail.
So I’ve heard at least, fortunately, I’ve never been as anything more than a visitor. Friends, who have however, aren’t quite eager to return. Those who are in are in fact, quite eager to leave.
Then there comes you. I guess you really like jail. Maybe it’s the food. Or free healthcare. Or the booty. I mean, why else could you possible stay getting arrested so damn much? And who are the foolish judges who keep letting you out? Don’t they know that’s where you want to be? And damn your lawyers!! How dare they be so good? You really need to fire the good Jews and find some poor schmuck at legal aid with a drug and/or alcohol addiction. He’ll make sure you stay in, so you won’t have to go through all this effort to get arrested every other day.
I must admit, you’ve been relatively ingenious, all your attempt to get back to jail. You started easily enough with minor traffic infractions, things that wouldn’t get you in for too long. Then there were the drug arrests, which lets admit, giving it w as you, those could have EASILY been wrong place at the wrong time type shit. Then there were the impersonat—-OH SHIT.
Wow X, I think I just realized why you keep trying to go back to jail and thankfully it’s not the nurtaloaf booty!!! You are simply suffering from writers block! You need to get back to your roots, get back in touch with the common man so your creative juices can start flowing again!! I mean, lord knows we are all aware that you vacated your booth in the “talented rappers” studio about 4 or 6 albums ago.
That must be it. All the money, cash and hos must have dulled your senses. You were slippin, fallin, not getting up. You Partied up. And Partied Out. . I mean, what these bitches want? Of course you were losing touch with the streets. You said Lord Give me a sign, and it hit. You needed to stop, drop, shut it down and open up shop. In jail.
Damn X. It’s brilliant really. I should never have doubted you. I’m sorry. Now that we are on the same page, all eyegreeing and shit, if I’m chosen for your jury, trust homie, I’m voting guilty, and I’ll insist my fellow jurists do the same.
Do your thing Earl.
Salute,
Greenie
8 Responses for "Dear DMX"
Dear DMX,
Can you please point me in the direction of a house that’s for sale that exactly resembles your house in the movie “Belly”? I’d love you forever.
Thanks.
<3
–Amanda
for real tho, nice one greenie.
lol,. whjats good mama, good to see you around these parts again.
on the X/belly tip.. yo earl– that blue stripped shirt you had on in Atlanta in Belly, I’ve coveted seeing my man in it since I first saw Belly. The man has changed, but the coveting if that garment hasnt. MADDDD left field but amanda started it
LOL at this letter. You should actually send this letter to him in jail.
“AIN’T NO NIGGA NAMED BARACK!”
As you can see from the above quote, the nigga high as David Ruffin, b.
He needs rehab, not jail time, and who knows, that might not even work. Nigga need a intervention, but he’s off in his own world. Maybe he’ll come to his senses before it’s too late, I wouldn’t hold me breath. Im sure ODB is packing him a hit as we speak.
lol yeah, I haven’t been around many parts lately greenie, including DX. Shame on me. Such is life in the office world, I suppose.
Seriously I need a break tho. I’m developing an eye twitch. Weird? Indeed.
Amanda + Greenie + Rey =
Anyway.
Nice post, Greens. These letters are getting better every time around. I particularly dug the end.
As for Dark Man X, it’s a danged shame what happened to the guy’s career. It’s like people woke up some time in fall 2001 and said, “Ehh, no thanks.”
*wishes it on Weezy*
–Rey
Damn homie! In 98 you were the man homie, da fuck happen to you? I remember this one chick I was hitting loved DMX so much that she would insisted that people be quiet during his prayers at the end of the cd and dared you to skip the track.
damn homie– your ho was nuts! no disrespect, but f’real.
Whatchu know about that?