Def Jam artist Rick Ross was outed. It turns out, he had a career unbecoming of a rap artist prior to be a rap artists.  We at Alumnah have also uncovered another starling fact that may come as another shock to the weary hearts of the Hip Hop nation.  Many of you may want to sit down first. His name isn’t actually Rick Ross. That lying bustard!! Let’s riot!!!

I kid of course; I’d never incite public disturbances on a massive scale, but f’real….. Ya’ll are putting way too much fucking power in an entertainers image. Cats are running around the innanets acting like the motherfucker shot your momma. So Ricky isn’t quite a boss. So he was a… Corrections. Officer.  So the fuck what?

The tales of heartbreak, hurt and betrayal that are filling up various Hip Hop message boards from here to Sri Lanka are kind of lame.  Some of you are throwing your CDs away. Some of you are deleting all his songs off your iPod.  Some of you are shaving your beards. You all need lives.

Get the fuck over it. So he lied. And what? You think 90% of these other rappers have a past they’d prefer not be revealed? So Ricky was an 18 year old kid who took a job.  So it wasn’t cool. Shit, it paid him regularly and offered decent benefits. What was your first job straight out of high school? All the Drug King Pins please stand up.

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

If ya’ll are this salty over Ricky being a CO, what’s going to happen when Barack proves to be a regular old politician?  Or that Jay Z really only cares about stacking his bank accounts?  Or that Ice T doesn’t actually have 40 hos out on the stroll? Or that Scarface isn’t really real, but in fact a pretend person played by the great actor Al Pacino? Or that pro wrestling is… staged!! The horror!

Yeah, yeah.  I hear you. I hear the wails of “But greenie, it’s the principal of the matter!! Where’s the integrity? Why the fronting? That shit aint gonna fly in the streets!” To you I simply say: Bitch please– this is the motherfucking rap industry. It is not an industry known for or celebrated for its integrity, ethics, high morals, principals or honesty.  Careers are built on fronting. Images are carefully cultivated to be grandiose and larger than life. And motherfuck your street code. The street code is “do anything you have to get to the top” Anyone who tells you differently is lying. Ricky stuck to that code. Maybe a better question for those of you obsessing over the street angle is who was the snitch who released the pics in the first place? His only failure was not destroying all evidence of his past, and of that was impossible, as it often is, developing a plausible story in advance, just in case shot was ever revealed. That’s his bad and he’ll more than likely lose a chink of money because of it.

However, here’s the thing. He’s an entertainer. You, the fans, are adults (well, some of you. Truthfully I don’t know what the kids think of this, the adults are the only ones bitching). You chose to buy into the stories he wove and lyrics he spat. You chose to find drug dealing stories entertaining and significant enough to spend $12 on. Maybe you coveted the lifestyle. Your day to day wasn’t very glamorous, so  living vicariously through a fat bastard with a beard who drove fly cars and burned money with blunts and had massive mammaries and made videos with tigers and hos was a good look for you. That’s cool, that’s why we look to entertainers. To be larger than life. To entertain us.

But to take the entertainment seriously is just silly on our part.  Look. I’m not defending Ricky.  I rep Liberty City more than Carol City, even though we all fam.  I’m just not that pressed to be hurt or offended by the actions of a man I don’t know.  A man whose life and lies has zero impact on my life (aside from giving me something to write about, but I digress). I have bigger things to worry about, gas prices, milk prices, the motherfucker who still owes me $100 and how I can afford a root canal that my dentist is trying to insist on my needing (I think he just wants my money). Ricky being a CO over a decade ago? Frankly, it’s pretty low on my list of priorities.

Maybe, my darling Hip Hop nation, you should take a closer examination of your own priorities, figure out why you are getting so wrapped up in worshiping such a blatantly false idol, focus more on real issues in life and get over this.