T.G.I.F.F. Its been a helluva week for me, probably been a rough one for you as well. Something about August is just draining; it’s hot and humid and we’re probably all carrying childhood scars and memories of how August represented the end of our free summers and school was fast approaching. However, now we are responsible adults (or we pretend to be on occasion)  so all Fridays in August signify is a possible pay day and a possible lay day.  In honor of the possible laying, here is your latest installment of fun and freaky sex factoids:

Old Sex. There’s nothing wrong with a lengthy courtship. The indigenous New Zealand lizard, the Tuatara, has finally gotten it on.   Henry is 111 and considered one of the last living descendants of the dinosaurs. Dear Henry has lived most of those 111 years relatively sex free, until staffers at New Zealand’s South Land Museum recently removed a cancerous growth from his genitals. Now Henry is going to be a Daddy. Henry is also cradle robber, having gotten freaky with 70ish Mildred the Tuatara who recently laid 12 eggs. Moral of the story? Stick with it, one day your Tuatara will come along. In the meantime, be sure to check your genitals for cancerous growths.

Sexercise!! I, along with many of you, enjoy sex a good deal, and when the sex is good, I like to enjoy a good deal of it.  I also like a good workout, however, despite maintaining a pretty regular and frequent gym schedule, I don’t enjoy those workout nearly as much as I enjoy a good lay (as violent as many perceive me to be -I’m not by the way- punching bags don’t make me cum). In a perfect world, regular really good sex doubles as a great cardio  workout, and if you are fucking on an Advanced or Intermediate level, you know the techniques and positions to employ to get some muscle toning in as well. For those of you not at those levels, either in bed or at the gym, and who may need some “training” on how to best maximize your sexual workout to obtain similar results of your gym workout, here are a few new tips, techniques and positions that truly combine sex and a full body workout that targets specific muscles groups.  Just remember to stretch before and after so you don’t pull anything that shouldn’t be pulled, or tugged or teased or licked!

Choices, choices, choices. Despite the virtual smorgasbord of sexual positions at our disposal, many folks stick to the same few positions all the time. While there’s nothing wrong with sticking to what you know you and your partner in naughty time like, its always fun to try news things. Maybe you’re bored, maybe you’re just adventurous. Regardless of your reasons, here are three position selectors that can tell you what position you should try tonight (or tomorrow or right now if you’re really horny). This one selects positions based on height, size, flexibility and energy level, this one chooses based on various psychological factors, and this one doesn’t so much choose as give you a veritable menu to choose from and identifies who’d like it most and why.  Happy humping. 

Not in my neighborhood. Last week we learned Georgia was anti-stripper, now we learn that Michigan is anti-ho. damn, cant these women of the night catch a break? A couple in a Flint neighborhood are finding their streets full of pimps, hos and drug dealers, and are waking up to yards full of condoms and hypodermic needles, so they are proclaiming their neighborhood, or rather, their yard, a “No Ho Zone” and posting signs to that effect. While I’d frown upon hos and pimps and drug dealers doing business in my front yard without giving me a cut, part of me also thinks, this is what you get when you gamble on a neighborhood in the early stages of gentrification.
As always, I wish you a long and healthy sex life, so wrap it up before you stab it up and make sure you moan out the right name as you are writhing is ecstasy (and as much as I love you, “greenie” is not the right name).