As you may be aware, Barack Obama finally chose a running mate. The pick was promised to be delivered first to his supporters via text message, but somehow the news leaked, so many supporters received text messages about 3am EST on Saturday morning with the announcement. I wasn’t one of them; I’m of the opinion these politicians have more than enough money and mine is better spent paying my own bills.  His choice of Biden wasn’t much of a surprise to politicos and those paying even slight attention to the presidential race. Barack has faced a great deal of criticism for being too young, too inexperienced in foreign policy and national security. And the whole he’s Black thing. A natural and seemingly wise choice to combat all that criticism was Joe Biden, a career Democrat, and an old White guy.

You may already be voting for Barack because you are a staunch Democrat, you like him, he’s Black. You may already have decided to vote for McCain because you’re a Republican, you like old White guys, you have a POW fetish. Or you may be of the opinion that the Illuminati has already decided the fate of the election so the actual act of voting is futile, and therefore you’ll spend election day eating Cheerio’s and watching Cartoons and Porn. Regardless, you should all be a bit informed, so to save you from searching through websites, newspapers and books to learn about Joe, we here at Alumnah have worked tirelessly to compile this (hopefully) helpful Joe Biden primer.

 All Abut Joe

Name: Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., but you can call him Joe.  Don’t call him Robinette, it’ll bring back flash backs of getting his ass kicked as a kid for having the middle name Robinette.

Date of Birth: November 20, 1942 same as Fashion designer Emilio Pucci, Robert F. Kennedy, Beastie Boy Mike D, Cypress Hill’s Sen Dog, Gymnast Dominique Dawes and rapper Tyga. (These birthday affiliations may serve as Joe’s Hip Hop connection. As you can see, it’s a rather tenuous link.)

Home state: Delaware. The only interesting thing ever about Delaware is that it was the first of the originals colonies to ratify the Constitution and become a state. Fun fact:  Biden was actually born in Scranton, PA (which is also known as home to the US version of the TV series the Office), but moved to Delaware at the age of 10.

Political History:  Joe is the 6th longest serving Senator having been elected a Delaware Senator since 1973, when he was 30.  He’s tried to run for president three times: 1988, 2006 and this year (he dropped out during the Iowa Caucuses). He apparently decided three strikes and he was out and the closest he was going to get was by being the VP of a Candidate currently voted “Most likely to be assassinated.” I kid of course. I hope.

What He Does Now: As a senior Senator, Joe currently serves on the following committees:

Committee on Foreign Relations (chairman)
Committee on the Judiciary
Subcommittee on Antitrust Competition Policy and Consumer Rights
Subcommittee on Crime and Drugs (chairman)
Subcommittee on Human Rights and the Law
Subcommittee on Immigration, Border Security, and Refugees
Subcommittee on Technology Terrorism and Homeland Security
Caucus on International Narcotics Control (co-chairman)
Yearbook

Joe on the Issues:  Here’s where Joe stands on some of the major issues.

On Drugs: Joe’s anti-drug. Very anti-drug. Since the early 80s he has coauthored bills to combat drug use and trade, and create the US Drug Czar.  He founded the Anti-Meth Caucus to protect white folks in backwoods and trailer parks from blowing up their trailers ad or losing their teeth (seriously folks- don’t do meth).

He has proposed legislation to end the Crack-Powder Sentencing Disparity that was established in 1986 by Congress, which punished people possessing crack more severely than the powder form. Currently, mere possession of 5 grams of crack triggers a five-year mandatory minimum sentence, while it takes distribution or manufacture of 500 grams of powder cocaine to trigger that same sentence.

On Crime: Joe’s anti-crime authoring or sponsoring the following legislation:

1994 Biden Crime Laws: To help prevent overcrowding in our nation’s prisons and prevent non-violent, first-time offenders from being locked up, Senator Biden helped create Drug Courts

Second Chance Act: While not yet a law, its purpose is to “provide states and local governments grants to help their prisoners kick their drug addictions while they are incarcerated so that when they are released, they can make a smooth transition back to society.”

Anabolic Steroid Control Act of 2004:  which “recognizes that professional athletes must not only compete fairly and drug-free, but they serve as role models to our youth and steroid use by these role models can’t be tolerated.”

Violence against Women Act: Expands support and protection for women in cases of domestic violence or other violent crimes. As a woman who doesn’t like when there’s violence against me, I applaud this.

On Education: Joe is all about kids being less stupid. He wrote legislations that allow families to deduct up to $10,000 per year on their taxes for higher education purposes. Last year, he also introduced the College ACCESS Legislature, If approved it would provide a $3,000 refundable tax credit – equivalent to a $12,000 deduction – that would fully cover the average tuition and fees at a public two-year college and cover more than half the average tuition and fees at a public four-year college

On the War in Iraq:
Joe voted (like almost all senators) for the final resolution supporting the Iraq war, however, prior to the invasion, pushed for a resolution through diplomatic means rather than military means.

He co-authored a 5 point plan that was approved by a vote of 75-23, parts of which would gradually draw down US troops in Iraq, make it a global issue and get the United Nations and League of Arab Nations to participate in the reconstruction of Iraq and decentralize the country among the three main ethnic groups: Sunni, Shiite and Kurdish (a proposal that has yet to go over well in Iraq, who frankly would like the US to stop telling them what the fuck to do.)

He believes in reducing forces in Iraq, but building them up in Afghanistan; presumably for the purposes of finally toppling those pesky Taliban folks and finally finding that Bin Laden guy. You know the one who orchestrated the 9/11 attacks, but ended up lower on Bush’s priority list than Saddam.

He pushed for greater arming and protection of US troop’s currently in Iraq and voted to get Mine Resistant Ambush Protected Vehicles (MRAPs) into Iraq faster.

On Genocide: He’s fortunately against it, and has made ending the Genocide in Darfur a top priority as part of his work on the Foreign Policy Committee. He also supported military action against systematic human rights violation in cases such as Bosnia.

On Healthcare: Joe wants to increase health coverage, especially for kids and those over 55. (Guess those in our 20s, 30s and 40s are still on our own). He also proposes offering government aid for “catastrophic cases” (medical bulls in excess of $50,000), as well as increasing support for prevention and modernization of illnesses, an idea rooted in the theory that spending money to keep people healthy is a wiser investment long term, rather than fixing shit down the road.

On oil and energy: Joe thinks it’s important for us to decrease or dependency on foreign oil, and has coauthored legislation with Barack to increase the required mileage for cars, support the development of flex-fuel models. He has voted against drilling for oil in the Alaskan Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

On the housing crisis and economy: Joe supports supporting the middle class by offering tax relief and housing aid. He’s also a proponent of adopting a Pay-As-You-Go budget for the national budget to reduce the national debt.

Final fun fact:
He gives you days off: Joe co-sponsored the bill that made Martin Luther King Day an official US Holiday.

Overall Greenalysis on Joey B:
With over 30 years experience in politics, and a proven track record getting things done across party lines, Biden was a strong choice for Vice President. Will it be a strong enough ticket to get voters, turn the economy around and fix everything that Bush fucked up these past years (that being everything)? Only time will tell. 

Do you part, stay informed; even if the Illuminati has already decided every election for the rest of our days, knowing what’s going on in the political and world arena is still fractionally more important than knowing who’s jockin Jay Z, how often DMX is getting arrested or anything about Mickey Fatz.

Stay informed:

On the Issues - Joe’s voting record and quotes on issues

Joe’s Official Senator Site - His bio, history and what hes dine for Delaware & the rest of us

The Official Obama/Biden campaign site - Everything Barack & Joe want you to know about them & the election

The Official John McCain Site -  Because he’s running too, and its important to know what the Republicans are saying that the Democrats  won’t.