I have a confession. I haven’t sen Dark Knight yet. I feel like Will smith in I Am Legend. Minus being a Black man and the zombies and being a scientist and all. I know, kill yourself, greenie you lost (for both that godawful analogy and for not seeing Dark Knight), blah blah blah. Look, Ive been busy, working damn near 7 day work weeks, 15 hour days, trying to come up with interesting things to post about (yes I admit, I’m scrapping the bottom of the barrel with this one). I’m so tired I can barely think straight. However, I don’t need to whine to you all, you know how the grind can be, and if you don’t, go get a damn job. But I digress. (more…)

Def Jam artist Rick Ross was outed. It turns out, he had a career unbecoming of a rap artist prior to be a rap artists.  We at Alumnah have also uncovered another starling fact that may come as another shock to the weary hearts of the Hip Hop nation.  Many of you may want to sit down first. His name isn’t actually Rick Ross. That lying bustard!! Let’s riot!!!

I kid of course; I’d never incite public disturbances on a massive scale, but f’real….. Ya’ll are putting way too much fucking power in an entertainers image. Cats are running around the innanets acting like the motherfucker shot your momma. So Ricky isn’t quite a boss. So he was a… Corrections. Officer.  So the fuck what? (more…)

Dear Earl:

It’s Dark and Hell is Hot. You know what else is hot and dark and rather hellish? Jail.

So I’ve heard at least, fortunately, I’ve never been as anything more than a visitor. Friends, who have however, aren’t quite eager to return. Those who are in are in fact, quite eager to leave. (more…)

I spent a rainy Saturday watching Willard Smith’s latest summr blockbuster Hancock. As many of you have probably discussed, it was a rather subpar summer movie, cool premise, but relatively inept. Will Smith is a surly superhero, saves some guy who works in PR who insists on paying him back by rehabbing his image, takes him home to meet the wife & kids for Super Meatball night. It literally couldn’t have been more obvious that blonde wifey was hiding things, blah blah, cut to the chase- we find out the Charlize Theron, as happy blonde wife, is also a superhero, but in hiding and the wife of Will’s superhero. She whines and mopes, gets in a big fight with Will, mainly because she doesn’t want to be a super hero anymore. It’s been 3000 years and she just wants to be normal and have super meatball Thursdays.  Instead of portraying the superhero archetype, what we witness is instead a perfect manifestation of a weak woman unable to deal with power of any kind stereotype. (more…)

It’s summer time, which means pool parties, beach days and scant attire for the men & women. Due to global warming, trans fats and our increasingly sedentary lifestyles its getting harder and harder to tear ourselves away from the TV or the computer screen to get in some quality physical time (online porn and the actions you do whilst watching it does not count; real life fucking, however, does), leaving many collectives waistlines more swollen than the Mississippi river. Fear not—as you all know, Nintendo, who, I suppose could be in part to blame for generations of kids being fats but with extra strong thumbs and great hand eye coordination, as my blogging brethren Mr. 88 pointed out, unleashed the Wii fit this year therefore allowing you to fight the fat within the comfort of your own home, in reach of your favorite bag of Doritos. (more…)

It may come as quite a shock to some of you, but rappers tend to get into trouble with the law almost as much as young white Hollywood starlets. Unlike those silly starlets, however, there seems to be a massive conspiracy put forth by the powers that be, The Man, Dr. Yacub, Lyor Cohen, Hillary Clinton, Barrack Obama, Oprah, Bill Cosby, Yahweh, The Bilderburg Convention, Dick Cheney, Laura Bush, Fidel Castro, Tony Blair and Yemeya, to hold your favorite rappers back from their true potential. Or, so says Remy Ma. (more…)

Happy sexy Tuesday. Here’s hoping you all had a great safe sex filled weekend, maybe you and your boo got a hotel, spent the weekend freaking, left the poor traumatized maid a nice tip because you forgot to use the “do not disturb sign.” Maybe you didn’t get laid over the weekend, but got some Monday nookie. Maybe you didn’t get shit. Regardless of booty getting quotient, alumnah.com loves you. I scoured the internet, seedy parts and all to find the latest sex news from around the world.  Learn something. Use a condom.
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I was shuffling through the old ipod the other day when I happened across “Dreams” from Lil Kim’s first pussy popping rap opus Hardcore. Not having listened to Hardcore in a while, I started listened to the album in its entirety at which point I had bit of an ah ha! moment. For awhile I had been musing the hypersexualization of women; this past decade has without a doubt seen an explosion in women not just celebrating their sexuality, but going above and beyond sexual ownership and and empowerment and becoming, in many cases vapid empty vessels purely of sex. Not sensuality, not seduction, but raw, unobstructed sex.
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Dear Marion,

Hi Suge! It’s me, greenie. Its been awhile since we last spoke Suga Bear. You don’t mind that I call you Suga Bear do you? I mean as much as we go back, you should be cool with my affectionate nickname. I mean, shit… I was down with Death Row from the word go. My domicile may have been on the Eastern seaboard, but lets be honest, back in the early 90s ain’t nann body paid attention to the South, and I was never riding for the Northern team, regardless of our coastal sharing. I was never afraid of you in the way most fans and rappers were. I recall saying aloud once after Pac died, “Fuck a Suge Knight!” and a friend of mine quickly hushing me, lest you hear such foul utterance- in spite of the entire span of the United States distancing us. I may never have actually gotten to west side until i was in my 20s, but thanks to you and the Death Row squad and affiliates, I felt like I spent most of teens there. You put together an umbrella that represented a unified front of west coast thuggery and music.

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The incomparably inspirational and pimptastic Texan Mac Brown and I were partaking in a conversational exchange the other day and he brought up the topic of ageism in Hip Hop; how rampant it is, and how most 25 year olds, if they haven’t made it yet- need to just walk away. after a brief moment of consideration, I had to agree. To generalize- mastery in most careers that human beings undertake take years to achieve. The best and brightest are often the oldest as they have spent years honing and perfecting their craft, Nature then deals a cruel twist of fate as many who finally gain enough knowledge and experience to be considered masters do so around the time their bodies start to fail; limbs grow weak, minds feeble. Yet and still– you start young, and master old. Unless, of course, you want to a rapper when you grow up. If you want to be rapper, you must start young, master young and quit before you’re 35 lest you be ridiculed as the feeble, out of touch old man, a has been, or worse a barely made it but never really was.

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