Def Jam artist Rick Ross was outed. It turns out, he had a career unbecoming of a rap artist prior to be a rap artists.  We at Alumnah have also uncovered another starling fact that may come as another shock to the weary hearts of the Hip Hop nation.  Many of you may want to sit down first. His name isn’t actually Rick Ross. That lying bustard!! Let’s riot!!!

I kid of course; I’d never incite public disturbances on a massive scale, but f’real….. Ya’ll are putting way too much fucking power in an entertainers image. Cats are running around the innanets acting like the motherfucker shot your momma. So Ricky isn’t quite a boss. So he was a… Corrections. Officer.  So the fuck what? (more…)

Dear Earl:

It’s Dark and Hell is Hot. You know what else is hot and dark and rather hellish? Jail.

So I’ve heard at least, fortunately, I’ve never been as anything more than a visitor. Friends, who have however, aren’t quite eager to return. Those who are in are in fact, quite eager to leave. (more…)

It’s summer time, which means pool parties, beach days and scant attire for the men & women. Due to global warming, trans fats and our increasingly sedentary lifestyles its getting harder and harder to tear ourselves away from the TV or the computer screen to get in some quality physical time (online porn and the actions you do whilst watching it does not count; real life fucking, however, does), leaving many collectives waistlines more swollen than the Mississippi river. Fear not—as you all know, Nintendo, who, I suppose could be in part to blame for generations of kids being fats but with extra strong thumbs and great hand eye coordination, as my blogging brethren Mr. 88 pointed out, unleashed the Wii fit this year therefore allowing you to fight the fat within the comfort of your own home, in reach of your favorite bag of Doritos. (more…)

It may come as quite a shock to some of you, but rappers tend to get into trouble with the law almost as much as young white Hollywood starlets. Unlike those silly starlets, however, there seems to be a massive conspiracy put forth by the powers that be, The Man, Dr. Yacub, Lyor Cohen, Hillary Clinton, Barrack Obama, Oprah, Bill Cosby, Yahweh, The Bilderburg Convention, Dick Cheney, Laura Bush, Fidel Castro, Tony Blair and Yemeya, to hold your favorite rappers back from their true potential. Or, so says Remy Ma. (more…)

Happy sexy Tuesday. Here’s hoping you all had a great safe sex filled weekend, maybe you and your boo got a hotel, spent the weekend freaking, left the poor traumatized maid a nice tip because you forgot to use the “do not disturb sign.” Maybe you didn’t get laid over the weekend, but got some Monday nookie. Maybe you didn’t get shit. Regardless of booty getting quotient, alumnah.com loves you. I scoured the internet, seedy parts and all to find the latest sex news from around the world.  Learn something. Use a condom.
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Friday is fuck night, Wednesday is Hump day, Monday sucks, Thursday is almost Friday and Saturday & Sunday are weekends. In honor of the least significant day of the week, here’s some news on the freaky front to get you through tax day.

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I was shuffling through the old ipod the other day when I happened across “Dreams” from Lil Kim’s first pussy popping rap opus Hardcore. Not having listened to Hardcore in a while, I started listened to the album in its entirety at which point I had bit of an ah ha! moment. For awhile I had been musing the hypersexualization of women; this past decade has without a doubt seen an explosion in women not just celebrating their sexuality, but going above and beyond sexual ownership and and empowerment and becoming, in many cases vapid empty vessels purely of sex. Not sensuality, not seduction, but raw, unobstructed sex.
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Titty titty ass nipple. Lick lick poke thrust squeeeeezzzeeee. Ahhhhh. Ride climb groan moan. Mmmmmm.

Now that I have your attention, let’s chat for a minute about sex. Sex, as you may be aware is a big deal. Its currently bringing down both the Mayor of Detroit and the Governor- make that former Governor of New York. It’s currently occurring in offices, break rooms, beds and cars. You are thinking about it. So here are a few bits of information about sex that are floating around the net these days, maybe you’ll learn a new trick.

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Aside from most rappers that is. While your favorite rapper is busying starting clothing lines, hocking beverages of either alcoholic, vitamin or energy variety, buying sports teams all sorts of other mofos like Michael Eric Dyson, Bill Cosby, Souljah Boy and other assorted white people are trying to be rappers.  

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*ahem* A preemptive ayo for those lacking the maturity to read further.  

A few weeks ago, I had a day off after several weeks hellish workdays which including the sacrifice if weekend. Since I was finally free, and it was 80 degrees, I said a mental fuck you to my northern fam (sorry y’all, you know, deep down, I love you) and took my happy ass to the beach. Packed a book, some lotion and planned to relax.  The book I packed was called Hung, by Scott Paulson Bryant; I had picked up months ago, just never got around to reading it. That day it happened to be on the top of stacks, so it got lucky and got grabbed. (more…)